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Glutina is the fortieth episode of Kaput & Zösky: The Ultimate Obliterators.



Plot Synopsis[]

While out shopping Zösky runs into an old girlfriend.

Transcript[]

Episode Transcript
(Opening and title card)
(Scene: Exterior of the Megamart. Cut to interior; Kaput and Zösky are shopping)
Kaput: Hey Zösky, we coulda’ gone someplace closer, but they have crisperizer refills on sale here! (Points) Wow! Look at that! A plasma tripalopod! And it’s only 2,999,000 broozoofs!
Zösky: We already have two.
Kaput: (Picking up the gun) Ooh, but this one has a new hyperceleron transducer!
Zösky: Kaput, that’s just a fancy way of saying it needs eight batteries instead of…
(Zösky freezes. Kaput turns around and spots Glutina. Zösky and Glutina stare into each other’s eyes for a moment. Kaput looks between them confusedly.)
Glutina: Zösky!
Zösky: Glutina!
(The two hold hands)
Kaput: (Clears throat) You gonna introduce me?
Zösky: Oh! Um, (clears throat), yes certainly. Ah, Kaput, this is Glutina! She used to be… a classmate. Ah, Kaput, my best friend.
Glutina: I’m so pleased to meet Zeezee’s best friend!
(Glutina rubs Kaput’s head. Scen Transition; parking lot)
Glutina: Zeezee, do you know how often I’ve thought of you all these years?
Zösky: The same goes for me, muffin.
Kaput: (mumbling to himself) Zeezee? Muffin? Oh, I can’t believe this.
Zösky: Where are you parked? We’ll help you put your bags in your ship.
(Scene cut: Kaput finishes loading everything into Glutina’s ship while Zösky and Glutina hold each other)
Kaput: Is that everything? Okay, well let’s get goin’ cause it’s gettin’ late.
Glutina: Oh no! We can’t part like this! We won’t ever part again, will we, Zeezee?
Zösky: No, muffiny-wuffiny, never ever again.
Glutina: I’ll take Zeezee with me, and you can just follow us in your ship. It isn’t very far. Just take a left at the third planet after the gas station.
(Scene transition; Exterior of Glutina’s house. Zoom in and cut to interior.)
Glutina: So, Zeezee, what have you been up to all these years?
Kaput: We are Kaput and Zösky. The conquerors, the Ultimate Obliterators!
(Zösky gets worried as Kaput speaks)
Glutina: Really? Oh, how fascinating! It isn’t too violent, I hope.
Zösky: Oh, no! Not at all! Er, we’re nice tyrants.
Kaput: Yeah, we only crisperize when it’s absolutely necessary; two or three thousand natives, tops.
(Zösky cringes, Glutina looks unamused)
Kaput: Oh, oh, but I almost forgot about the Zeta 3 massacre! Oh! And that time we blew up Alpha Centauri! Hey, you remember that, Zösky?
(Zösky is frantically trying to shush Kaput)
Glutina: Alpha Centauri! That was you?! But, but that was horrible!
Kaput: Aww, heh, just doin’ our jobs, ma’am.
Glutina: Promise me you’ll never do that kind of thing again, Zeezee.
Zösky: Aww, I promise, muffin.
Kaput: Oh, brother.
(Scene transition; Glutina is doing a spa treatment, Zösky is reading a book in a chair, and Kaput is standing at the window and watches a spaceship take off. Kaput sighs, then the doorbell rings)
Glutina: Have you seen the time? Oh, I was worried sick. Come in, come in, you bad boy! (giggles)
(Glutina brings in her son, who is the same size as her)
Glutina: This is my son, Glutamate. Isn’t he the cutest? (Whispering) His father left me a year ago for an Acturian. Such a vulgar creature! You can’t even begin to imagine!
(Kaput is stifling his laughter)
Glutina: A-Anyway, now, everything will be fine! Glutamate, this is Zösky, your new daddy.
(Zösky gasps, Kaput continues to muffle his laughter)
Glutina: Well, don’t just stand there, you two! Go ahead and give each other a hug!
Glutamate: Hi, Dad.
Zösky: (Strained) Hi, er, son.
(Kaput Laughs)
Glutina: What’s the matter with your friend? Is he ill?
Zösky: Huh? Oh, um, yes! It’s, a-a disease! Yes, a disease picked up on, er, Lob-Lobstarian 4. A terrible planet. Ah, he gets fits once in a while!
(Kaput continues laughing)
(Scene transition; Glutina’s backyard; Glutina is laying under an umbrella, Kaput is whispering something to Glutamate, who is dressed for baseball. Glutamate rears back to pitch the ball, and the scene cuts to Zösky, holding a baseball bat. Glutamate throws the ball and it embeds itself into the wall of the house. This frightens Zösky. Kaput begins whispering to Glutamate again, and after nodding, Kaput takes a few steps back while grinning at Zösky. Glutamate then rears back to pitch again, and the ball slams into Zösky’s stomach hard enough to temporarily trap him against the wall. The ball pops out, and Zösky slides down the wall, revealing a crack in the wall from the ball.)
Kaput: Strike!
(Scene transition; Glutamate is holding a fuse and a match. The camera cuts to show Zösky tied to a giant firework while Glutamate and Kaput stand off to the side. Kaput winks at Glutamate whilst giving him an “okay” hand sign. Zösky stares nervously at the fuse and match in Glutamate’s tentacles. Glutamate grins at Zösky)
Zösky: (nervously laughs)
(Glutamate lights the fuse, then tosses the match away. Zösky nervously smiles at Kaput. The firework takes off, and Zösky screams. The firework explodes.)
(Scene Transition; Interior of Glutina’s house. The doorbell rings. Glutina lets in some teenagers.)
Teenagers: Yahoo! Wow!
Glutamate: Hey guys! This is my new dad! He’s the bestest dad ever!
(Zösky’s head is bandaged, and he has a black eye.)
Teenagers: Wow! Super! Way cool!
(Zösky looks at Kaput, who shrugs. They then both look at the giant cake on the table next to them, then grin at each other, laughing. They throw the cake into Glutamate’s face.)
Zösky: (Laughs) Don’t worry, it’s low cal!
Glutamate: (Begins Crying) Mommy! Mommy!
Zösky: (Sighs in relief) Yes! That feels so much better!
Kaput: Finally! For a while there, I thought you were goin’ soft on me.
Zösky: Ready to go?
Kaput: I was ready before we got here.
(Kaput and Zösky both kiss Glutina’s hand before they walk out)
Zösky: Later, Glutina!
Kaput: (Laughs) Slug.
Glutamate: (Crying) Mommy! Mommy!
Glutina: (Screaming) Zösky! You come back here this instant!
(Kaput and Zösky take off in their ship.)
Kaput: Heartbroken?
Zösky: Ha! Nothing a little obliterating won’t fix.
Kaput: (Jokingly) That’s my wittle Zeezee.
Zösky: Careful, my friend, careful.
(Credits)

Characters[]

Gallery[]

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